I Alone

"It's easier not to be wise
and measure these things by your brains
I sank into Eden with you
alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes
you'll need them, your boat is at sea
your anchor is up, you've been swept away
and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate"
Edward Kowalczyk of Live singing I Alone

Sometimes it's a lonely world for me. With crowds of humanity springing forth upon skyscrapers of Hong Kong, I find myself all alone. It's something I feared of in the past and somehow I got used to it. But as I grow older the feeling creeps rendering me insecure.

In a typical day's work I wake up and leave the house, with my housemates still asleep. In my effort to save money I skip having lunch with colleagues and instead find myself staring at Arizona Republic or ESPN while taking my lunch. When I leave the office I try to call someone or a couple of my friends, talking with somebody whose not visible. Ironic that I sometimes fail to talk to someone in the office which is not that big enough to miss out colleagues. When I reach home late at night I take my dinner alone again.

Sometimes I would prefer to go window shopping and planning things to do by myself where I pace my time and not bother to keep others waiting as I also hate to be kept waiting. But there are times being alone makes no sense to me. I used to go to church with friends but now I am alone. While some friends seek time to be on their own (even if it meant taking a break from a relationship), I seek otherwise.

In a place where I cannot talk to everybody, I need to keep my phone busy, yet it is frustrating to call someone who keeps on ignoring me. It's terrible but I am trying to overcome it. There are things I want to have but are beyond my reach as of the moment and the question remains to as whether I can attain them in the future.

Going to Wan Chai promenade and watch the harbour, Tsim Sha Tsui's Star Ferry pier and see Hong Kong's glittering office towers in a busy metropolis, or stay at the office boardroom overlooking the Causeway Bay typhoon shelter asking myself is this the situation I want to be in. I am glad to be here but I did not expect to feel so lonely as now...

Sometimes.